Matt, hardboard grader lead person for a wood products company in southern Oregon, told Session 6B of the Leadership Development Lab (LDL):

“My sister went away to college in Portland eight years ago. I couldn’t believe how she changed. It seemed like she took on a liberal attitude overnight. It felt like she had forsaken all of our shared values and beliefs. We stopped getting along because every time we talked, we argued about her newly found views. When we received our “pearl” assignment at Session 3 of the LDL and were challenged to improve our relationship with someone from our personal and business lives, I admitted to myself what I already realized in my heart; that I needed and wanted to improve my relationship with my sister. I missed what had been a very important connection, a relationship we had enjoyed most of our lives. Just because I don’t agree with everything my sister seems to believe in now, that doesn’t mean we can’t talk about the things we do have in common. We have a lot of important things; our history, family, and many other things that we can enjoy talking about.

I took the initiative that weekend and made my first call to her in several months, and I have called her numerous times since. We talk about the things that won’t cause arguments (things we have in common). Our relationship has improved greatly. We talk about my children, her schooling, and lots of

other things that won’t turn into political arguments. It has made me so happy and more at peace with myself to have her back in my life the way she used to be.

The lesson I learned from this experience is that I need to remember what really matters to me. I need to focus on what we can and do agree on (Leadership Principle #14 – Begin With Yes, Yes, Yes), to set aside the need to be right. I have learned that being happy is more important to me than having to be “right”.

The action I call you to take is find that common ground with coworkers, friends and family, focus on what you have in common. You will build the good relationship that successful living requires with those that are important in your life. Ask yourself, ‘Is this really that important to me? Is being “right” about this more important to me than being happy?’ Don’t argue about trivial opinions, avoidable or unimportant subjects.

The benefit you will gain is what we all want; meaningful connections and improved, meaningful relationships with all those you live and work with that are important in your life.”